Feedback seems simple in theory. You observe something, you name it, you share it. And yet, in practice, giving feedback well is surprisingly difficult. It can feel awkward, uncomfortable, and at times, even exposing — for the person giving it as much as the person receiving it.
Most of us have experienced feedback that missed the mark. It felt like criticism dressed up as support, or praise so vague it gave us nothing to work with.
Why Traditional Feedback Tools Often Fall Short
Many approaches to feedback emphasise formula over substance — the sandwich model being the most familiar. The problem is that when feedback follows a predictable pattern, people stop listening to the positives because they're bracing for the critical comment they know is coming.
Vague positive feedback is equally unhelpful. Telling someone they "did well" without being specific about what worked and why leaves them no richer than before.
Feedback is relational. It requires vulnerability on both sides. And it requires clarity — particularly in coaching contexts, where the quality of feedback directly shapes the quality of the learning.
A More Helpful Way to Think About Feedback
Rather than following a rigid formula, start with intention. Ask yourself: Why am I sharing this? What becomes possible for this person if they receive it well? What might they miss without it?
Answering those questions honestly changes how you deliver what you have to say.
What High-Quality Feedback Looks Like
Seven principles guide effective feedback:
- Request permission before giving feedback
- Share it promptly — feedback loses value when it's delayed
- Keep it forward-focused and helpful, not evaluative
- Describe what you observed without assuming intent
- Share your personal response — this requires vulnerability, and that's appropriate
- Ask questions that open dialogue rather than close it
- Leave space for their response — feedback is a conversation, not a broadcast
The NPA Feedback Model
At North Point, we teach a five-step model that puts these principles into practice:
- Request permission — "Can I share some feedback with you?"
- Describe what you observed — without interpretation or assumption
- Share your thoughts and feelings — honestly and with appropriate vulnerability
- Ask for their perspective — listen to understand, not to respond
- Explore what's next — what impact do they want, and what would support that?
This model works because it helps recipients understand the consequences of their actions while creating an honest exchange that supports growth on both sides.
Good feedback is one of the most generous things one person can give another. It takes practice — and it's worth getting right.